2011年3月14日 星期一

The most frightened experience

That was a fine and warm day. I went garden to take a walk. There were many people with pets such as cats, dogs and squirrels. Because of these little animals' presences, there were many terrible disaster happening to me. Firstly, the ground were covered with the little animals' piss and shit. Whole garden was smelly. I can bear the smell, so it was not a problem. However, the shit sticked to the bottom of my shoes. Secondly, when I was jogging, the little animals often rushed out. I nearly kicked them for many times. If I kicked them, I would become not only guilty but also a person who was thought to like to torture animals. It was a worst situation. Thirdly, some people carrying pets did not grasp them tightly, they would run after the passers by. And they ran after me, then, I round half of the garden. Lastly, the little animals like to shout at the innocent people. When they shouted, the people riding a motorcycle or a bicycle will be frightened to death. And, due to their beautiful yell, I nearly hit by a motorcycle on the side of a road that day. Little animals are so dangerous that I have no choice but to fear them.

7 則留言:

  1. I went garden .... I went to garden

    It was a worst situation....the worst


    passers by....改成passers-by

    你有太多沒有過去了哦

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  2. *many terrible disaster disaster 加s吧
    *前面太多句 害怕的感覺鋪陳太久了

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  3. I'm wondering how big the garden is!!!
    People can even ride motorcycle in a GARDEN?
    Another thing is that .. I dont think you should use words like 'First' ,'Second' and'Third' in this essay cuz we want to read a story, not a list or something like that.

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  4. However, the shit sticked to the bottom of my shoes

    是stuck吧!!

    Secondly, when I was jogging, the little animals often rushed out.

    often 後面怎麼接過去式? 不是因該要現在式
    I would become not only guilty but also a person who was thought to like to torture animals.

    not only~but also 的用法錯了吧 為什麼not only+adj
    but also是接子句? 因該詞性都要一樣吧

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  5. 踢到大便算是害怕的經驗嗎? 應該說是運氣很背的一天吧
    If I kicked them, I would become not only guilty but also a person who was thought to like to torture animals.
    guilty 改成 guilty person 上下對應

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  6. 1.went garden, garden 不是school home啦 to 呢?
    大哥 due to their beautiful yell,你以為你在中文喔
    修辭用的不錯喔 你要不要再來個其他修辭呢
    2.文章有些時態錯

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  7. I went garden to take a walk.
    是went to

    I would become not only guilty but also a person
    可以前後詞性不一樣嗎

    整篇還OK 蠻順的
    但不要在怕狗了

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