Opening a new factory can have some positive effects. First of all, it can bring the small town more jobs so that the economics of the small town will be better. Second, if the people there had money, they could buy more modern and novel things so that their quality of life will be advanced. Finally, more jobs can absolutely attracts more people, and the town will be more bustling. In conclusion, opening a new company can make many benefits, and they can make an area more advanced.
有點太少了哦~~~
回覆刪除還有 你的連接詞有點單調
本來是工廠最後面成公司喔!!
回覆刪除然後第二個理由沒說到為什麼會有錢
蓋工廠的錢不是給那邊的人民吧！？
內容都還可以
回覆刪除只是在多點論點支持你的idea比較好!
用詞好多都依直重複
回覆刪除以致陞的頭腦一定可以更多樣喔
內容可以加長
回覆刪除Finally, more jobs can absolutely attracts more people, can後面是原v
回覆刪除多點變化喔
回覆刪除內容要增加